Greed

Why live a life just for the sake of living?

Sloth

The fact, that some posts are still empty...

Lust

Practically every day as a fujoshi

Pride

It crumbles time and time again but no emotion follows

Wrath

The unjustified breaking of items. They didn't do anything to me.

Gluttony

the look into the refrigerator even without an upset stomach.

Rant #001 - Stupid questions receive [s]stupid answers[/s] lies

Heya.

So today was my first day at my new "job".
As I had already mentioned some posts ago I didn't get to join the army so I'm stuck in a retirement home for at least four months.
I already "quit" my waitress job by the way. Wouldn't want a full-time schedule, would I?

Anyways.
I thought I'd get into the department that's responsible for the social activities (since I AM doing a social year (that's what it's called, too)) but no - I am in the caring department. Fucking L.

Today still went smoothly, I only had to watch most of the time (well, after that I had to do it myself, but yeah.) The worst thing was emptying the urine package but hurray for gloves and buckets.
So I watched them clean the residents, dress them, feed them (fed them myself), and so on.
Poop wasn't rare either.

After about 7 hours we were practically finished for the day, so they decided I could go home sooner (I still can't believe that. I'm actually thinking "They probably wanted to test me to see, if I really will go home or not and will fire me for taking them up on their offer". But oh well, if it happens, it happens.).

So after making sure of what I have to do/when I have to arrive/what I have to know and wear next week she asked me how my day in there was.

Seriously?

Seriously?

Of course it was brilliant!
I smelt urine and poop half of my day,
I saw it stuck on the diapers and asses,
I listened to an insane  woman scream her lungs out the entire stay,
I cleaned up shit from other people,
I listened to YOU telling me, that I should consider giving up this job (I TOLD you I'm not trying to learn and get this job, I'm USING it to bypass the waiting time till my next education) because you yourself don't really like it and are fucking disgusted by other's excrements.

So you tell me how my day was at your second home.
You know, actually I don't really want to complain (Yeah, right) since it was my decision to do this, but you don't have to ask me how it was after telling me that you think it's shitty.
If I were someone who really loved this job, I would have been really offended and there actually are little perks you get (which I don't deem worthy enough for me).

Such as getting to know people who have experienced so much more things you can't even imagine it,
and receiving their gratefulness by only giving attention to them.

(That's it for me)

Well... Hopefully it'll really only be four months. Otherwise it'll be ten. No, I don't want ten. No. Not even with those 4 weeks of seminars.

Trivia #001

Just a trivial fact about me / my family.

My vietnamese mother's responsible for most of the german dishes, while my stepfather's responsible for the vietnamese ones. Real difficult asian dishes though are made by my mother while my german stepfather does the difficult european dishes. Me?
I bake the cakes, cookies, waffles; make the pies, pudding and chocolate.

...and occasionally I cook both european and asian dishes.
I detest touching fish though.

PS: They both can't bake for the life of them. (My mother just has bad luck when it comes to baking and my stepfather hasn't done it enough to do it well, I guess.)

Interlude IV ~ Sometimes...

I wonder why I have got friends.
Yes, I don't have many but the few I do - I ask myself - what did I do to deserve to call myself their friends?

I'm average, not pretty, not ugly, not smart and not too dumb. I don't have large dreams, I don't do much with my life and neither am I funny and/or fun to be with.

They are beautiful, self-confident, clever. They know what they want, they have dreams that they're on the verge of achieving. They change other's lives and they're never boring to be with.

I wonder what I did - for them - to like me?

The insects of hell

Ohey.

So today I decided to open my window. But - oh - what blocked my window's way? A A2 carton. A folded one. What did I obviously do? Get it out of the way and put it somewhere else.

What actually happened?

Insects came out of that carton. Two of them.
I didn't drop the carton (and wow, I didn't scream either) but I didn't put the carton where it was supposed to go. Seriously, that was so EWWW. How did they even get there?

Before I tell you how the story goes on; one more info on the carton:
I bought some drawing goodies last week (LAST!!). I then proceeded to take out the loose and small drawing tools and let the A2 photocartons remain inside. I figured I'd need the shipping carton  - the one I got - to mail my art folder (for university applications) because it's big enough to fit in the A2 papers.
But since it takes so much space I just put it inside the narrow space beside my table and the wall (half blocking my window).

So, HOW the HECK were TWO insects born in the span of 7 days??? Can anyone answer me?
Also, my room's *coughs* getting *coughs* cleaned every week.

My brother was in the room when that event happened and he witnessed everything. I panicked and asked him what I should do - I actually considered trampling them to death but I didn't want dead insects to stick on my slippers so I trashed that idea. He told me I should just get the vacuum cleaner and vacuum them out of my room. They'd stay in the vacuum bag. I just hope so. They're in there right now. And the cleaning lady is coming in in 3 days anyway so the bag will be disposed of soon. Hopefully.

I trashed the carton btw.

Speaking of insects -
Last year my parents went on their honeymoon (their second after a year actually). So they were gone for 4 1/2 weeks while I was left to fend for myself. No worries, I made it through healthy and everything was fine. Except for two things. One of the things involves insects, so that's what I'm going to tell you now:

In the second week or so I encountered a bug. Dunno what kind of bug it was, but it was big, ugly and in my friggin' way. So I killed it.
Some days later I saw another one of those bugs. I didn't get to kill it though because it flew away to god knows where and I couldn't chase it with the eye anymore. My brother told me that he killed one an hour later.
Two days after (or so) I merrily went my way on to the toilet, sat and did my work. Yeah, I peed.
When I stood up to flush, what did I see? Yup, the insect, squished to death by my fat ass. WTH, HOW DID I NOT REALIZE THAT IT WAS UNDER ME AND I WAS CRUSHING IT.
Of course I screamed. Even though it was too late for anything anyway. The damage was done, I touched and squished it, it was dead and after a moment I was calm enough to shove it into the toilet bowl. BIG mistake. Do not ever attempt to flush an insect down your toilet. It always swims up. Yeah, I know it's dead but the water just takes it up cuz it - I think - has fat and you know how humans float up, too, because they have so much fat in their body?
Needless to say I didn't use that toilet for some days. Oh, and I cleaned it.

But ewww.

The madness of sheets

Another 8 days have gone by!
Time sure flies fast.
...or maybe it just does for me 'cuz I have no school and job right now!
But fear not, next month (Yes, NEXT, as in November) I won't be online as often because I have work! Wooo! (Actually I'm not that happy about it, but then I'll finally stop feeling so bad about my RL.)

I'm so jelly of my best friend because she got into the army AND she has three months of free time because it begins next year ._.
Why do I have all this bad luck? OR is it rather that SHE has all the good luck?
/me cries

Anyways - let's get to today's topic (^see title):

What do I even mean? I was talking about piano sheets!
I have been playing the piano for a while; since 2006 I believe. But I didn't do it consistently.
You see, I got a teacher for about 6 months but decided to quit being taught by another because I'm:
- too lazy
- can't stand being pressured to play something I don't like
- didn't want to waste money since I knew I wasn't practising regularly

I figured I could play songs on my own as I already know how to read notes.
I always failed at rhythm (still do), so I'd have still failed with the teacher's advice.
How I solve the problem? Listen to the original song and play it exactly like that.

After those six months I played the piano on and off. Sometimes I would find some songs I really liked and just learned them. Sometimes it was too hard for me (as in I'm too lazy to learn something I need more hours than normal to learn) and sometimes there just wasn't any interesting, so I only played old songs on and on and on. (Even my parents were tired of those songs, olol.)

Anyways, recently I've been finding and listening to so many good songs and printing so many sheets - it's madness (:D).

Yes, yes, yet another entry full of weird sentences, mistakes and pointless stories.
Did I already mention that I have (at least) FOUR doctor appointments this month? One's already done though (1st of Oct.)

Interlude III ~ Nothing To Be Proud Of

I'm a pretty good liar.

When I lie, I don't turn red. When I lie, I don't exactly stutter.
When I lie, I tell only the gist of it. When I lie, I sound as the situation deems appropriate.

When it's not necessary for me to lie, I do - just occasionally. But in those times I lie so that people can see through me. So that people assume, that I can't lie. That I'm not able to lie. That I'm a chaos, a mess when it comes to lying. That I turn red, that I stutter, that I avoid eye-contact, that my voice sounds just a pitch higher than normal - all those are the things which they think reveal the lie I'm telling or am about to tell.

So I lie obviously about harmless things regarding me, while I lie like I really lie when it's about something important to me which I do not want revealed.
So far everything's going as I think it is.

I don't think anyone's been able to see through my well-placed lies.

But it's nothing to be proud of.

Like a wedding, something blue...

Hello to you all,
nice to see you again.

I've been thinking and thinking about something in my life, that is blue.
Obviously the first thought was the Blue Man Group. But as it's not really playing a big role in my life, I couldn't use it as a theme for this post.

Fear not though, I actually managed to come up with something. It was really obvious, too, and I'm actually always surrounded in blue. I just never noticed, really. You know that line "to miss the forest for the trees", right? So, what's blue?

My room. All four walls of my room are blue, with a thin yellow stripe interrupting the color once.
This room has been a part of my life for about six years already. Before those six years though, I lived in a rather bland room of white. As a kid I was pretty creative though and posted Sailor Moon pictures from the magazines throughout the flat. Well, my room in the flat. And it actually wasn't my room at all because it was my brother's also. We shared one. The flat wasn't exactly small, but two small children wouldn't have needed two seperate rooms when there are so many more things my parents could've done to the other empty rooms.

Anyways, back to my current room.
When we first moved into the house, it was only newly / freshly built. We could still smell the materials the construction workers used for the facade. It turned worse after a few days.
The wallpapers had to be put up before installing all the shelves and beds and what-not.
We spent all day in a wallpaper-shop, shopping for three rooms. My brother took an orange one, while I took a blue one. And a small roll of yellow wallpaper.
We - of course - paid someone to do it for us since we have no experience with all that shit so everything was going along nicely. Till nighttime came and I had to go to sleep.
The room was damp, the room smelled of glue and everything just felt sticky (even though I didn't touch the wall). It was that way because the windows and doors had to be closed, so the glue would remain the way it should. A few days later the smell drifted off a little bit, so no worries there.

In came the furniture! It was awesome. My first own room.
I unpacked my books - I had (only) two boxes of them - and arranged them neatly.
When I look behind my back now, I see a fully stuffed book shelf which was still really empty on that day six years ago. Seriously. It's amazing.
Now I'm just worried over where the hell I should put my beloved books and games when I move out. It's not like I'll be able to afford a big apartment so I can put all my books in there.

Maybe I could build a book bed.

See ya laterz, alligatorz.

PS: My posts are getting totally boring and lame nowadays (maybe they already were before, too).
I'm gonna think of different things.
PPS: And so the "wedding" series ends. What's next? Stay tuned! (I actually still do not know. Ulp.)

Interlude II ~ So Weird

You know...

I've read so many Manga, that my vision of reality is a little distorted.
First things first, the Japanese address unfamiliar people with their last name and also make sure to use proper formalities.
- When I go to work, of course, I use the proper pronouns and whatnot, too. Sometimes they look offendedly at me and tell me to drop the formal speech. Sometimes they ask me my name, and I'd ask them their names - and it's not the last name we use to introduce ourselves. It's only the first name.
Well, we live in the western world, we don't depend on formalities that much, and always always use first names, if we know them. Except for authorative figures or obviously older people, like teachers or customers.

Secondly, we shake hands to greet each other. We do not bow. We do not nod with our heads in any way. Maybe we'll wave, but we will not act submissive.
Sometimes I do - Well, of course I don't bow or something. That takes too much time and is weird. Absolutely weird.
Because I nod occasionally while greeting or saying thank you, people who are not used to it - westeners - think it funny and since it usually looks kinda cute, they imitate me. Of course, only while talking to me.
It's kind of fun, I don't feel offended and I get more tip money.

What's there to not like?

I don't know what I wanted to tell you readers with these paragraphs but - yeah - now's another story gone out of my head and into my blog.

Weird blog, huh?

Interlude I ~ A Part

Ohai!

As you all know, I've already graduated - in fact - this very summer.
It's been 3 months since I've seen someone from school (well, except for my real friends whom I still meet regularly). How do I feel about that?

When in school we talked, we walked together, laughed at jokes, told some jokes - of course -, copied each other's homework or worked together on a project in big and small groups. It wasn't necessary to do that. It wasn't something we were forced to do. We still did it.
We never met outside of school though, which already implies what kind of relationship we actually had. One of benefits (not the sexual one, mind you).

And now that we have nothing that binds us together anymore - school - we will probably never meet each other again. Except for accidentally meeting each other in a super market (in which case we'd just greet each other and be done with it) or worse (or not) attending university together (and forge yet another bond with them).

Since we live in a rather modern world and the computer actually binds each and everyone of the human beings that actually owns one, if you really think about it, we can still see what the other does.
E.g. Facebook. I have made a Facebook account and added Facebook friends over the course of my school career - accepted the requests of people I know that I don't know. (Ha ha, weird sentence but so true.)
Even after graduation it's not common practice to just up and delete those people you think you'll never talk to/or need again. (Since - for example - people love to have a lot of friends in their lists to show that they're super popular.)

So it just so happens, that today I was kind of curious about lots of things - What are the others doing now? (It's also common practice to compare one's life to other's.)
Nah, it's not that I thought exactly that. I was just scrolling through my news feed and - Ah. - there it was, some more news about someone I don't really care about but never bothered to delete.

But still, when I scrolled through their timeline and saw them flying to distant lands, meeting new people, doing things they've never done, doing activities I myself have never seen them do, I thought of the time when I just sat beside them and still conversed with them.
A time when I still mattered to that person, and that person still mattered to me.
A time when we were still a part of each other's life.
And in just a course of three months - no, actually just in course of a day (graduation day) we let each other go our own way. We even thought about never seeing the other again. (Well, at least I did.)

It's just... so wondrous, so strange how the world, the people and time work.
Of course this is not the only example of how people fall out of touch. I just wanted to talk about it.

It does feel weird, doesn't it?


See ya laterz, alligatorz.

Like a wedding, something borrowed...

Ohai!

Well, something borrowed. It was really hard to come up with something. I mean, everyone borrows something from someone at some point in life, right? ( Ha ha @ so many "some" words.)
But the point is, that it'll be given back, so it will never truly belong to oneself. It's therefore not worth mentioning or not really something important to remember.
Say, I borrowed glue or pens, or rubbers (the one to erase the pencil drawings :D) countless times but... when was it? Whom did I borrow it from? I don't know anymore.

So, I wonder, is the borrowed item the bride borrows always gonna be in her memory? Will it ever be treated as something normal? Would it always be special, even though it's not in the bride's possession?
Or would she "borrow" it for her whole life. Effectively buying or stealing it.

So much for that.

Like a wedding, something new...

...but yet still old.

Oh why, hello there to yet another blog-entry of mine.

What is it, that's both old and new? Hum.
Right, my friend.
We've known each other since we're 7, have been friends ever since, have called each other the bestest of friends and still think and do so. But as years upon years piled up our friendship changed. It's a gradual change, that - I guess - happens to all friendships a.k.a. relationships.
When ten years ago we still played together every day in the park, when just months ago before our graduation, we saw each other every day, today and now in the present, we meet up once a week or once two weeks.
It probably isn't necessary to see each other every day of the year, to converse, talk, communicate in any way. You might be agreeing right now :D

It's lovely, the relationship is simple and whenever we need something or just want to meet we do.
Today is her birthday, so I sent her a SMS at midnight, congratulating her. In the afternoon I drove to her house - she already had one guest - and we ate some cake and talked (with her parents present).
After two hours I was already on my way back home and the next time we'll see each other it'll probably be like today as well. It will just not be a birthday :P So there won't be any cake. (Now I got an earworm of "Want You Gone")

We're planning to go on a trip to Japan sometime soon (or later). I hope we'll manage to make and do it! In June we went to Ibiza together - no regrets. I don't think we have ever fought. Wow.

That's already it for today.

See ya laterz, alligatorz.

Like a wedding, something old...

Heya everyone,

I'm back and not without a guest.
Well, actually no, it's not a living guest. I don't have many friends, and the few friends still don't know, that I blog here. Still.

As already read in the thread name I'd like to introduce you to something old. An information of mine, that is rather old, but of course still true and going on.

I love drawing.
Be it sketching, drawing humans, sceneries, or objects, coloring stuff, and so forth.
Of course, like the majority of today's drawing generation, the Manga world introduced me to it. Or rather the cartoon world. Since young I've been watching "RTL 2" and other kind of programs, which showed e.g. Lucky Luke, Sailor Moon, Rugrats, The Simpsons, Pokemon, Heidi etc..

I began to draw almost avidly after I watched Sailor Moon. All those characters with those big round sparkling eyes were beautiful, and they did so many heroic things! And it's also animated, wow!
In kindergarten my teachers were already going on about my concentration when drawing pictures, also the result of that concentration - they were by no means masterpieces of art or anything. They were still stick-figures. I still draw them, too. The women's dresses were simple triangles, "stronger" built people had round bodies and thin people had... well, the stick of the stick-figure.
Houses always had a chimney, always had bricks, orange roofs, two squareshaped windows and a brown door. Let's not forget the trees. and the McDonalds-shaped birds.
In elementary school we began drawing with watercolors. Characters weren't the main subject anymore, sceneries or objects were. I still remember drawing an igloo and a sled.
And then - as written above - the "Manga" time came.
I'd love to scan the pictures now, but I'm too lazy to get 'em. Maybe I'll do it sometime later (or never).
The pics were hilariously ugly and just... well, common for 8-year-olds. Or maybe I wasn't that good of a drawer. My friends were of my 8 y/o's opinion though: "It's so beautiful. How did you draw that?"

With time I improved; I drew women more "beautiful" (in Manga terms) and I tried drawing men. Of course it was a disaster again. After I mastered the men-drawing-style I tried drawing a woman again. That was an utter failure.
Nowadays I still draw, it's still not that good, but it's also not as bad as my former drawings. Maybe my opinion will change again next year - who knows.

But long story cut short:
Make your own opinion - I just drew this. This is our guest.

It's not finished yet, and I don't think it'll be finished for a while, but hey - at least there's a sample.

And as you can see, I'm trying to discard my Manga-drawing tendencies and try to draw them as realistically as I can. Doesn't work that good though.

That's for the "old" news.

See ya laterz, alligatorz.

PS: The military doesn't want me because I'm 5 cm too short. That's so unfair, isn't it?

I am surely physically strong enough. I mean, I have to carry ale-benches around at work, use one hand for a tablet full of 0,5l drinks and blah blah blah.

Even the customers who saw me carrying all that stuff were shocked to see, that I could do it.

Oh, and as you probably realized, yeah, I work in a restaurant-bar as a waitress.

PPS: Oh, I actually did finish it. Some minutes later :D

The beginning

Hello to you all - Ciao, hallo, hi, こんにちは, 안녕하세요, 你好, hej, hoi, chào
And so on.


This is - most obviously - my first post and I hope everyone felt a very warm welcome by reading their home country's greeting. I don't know that many, so I apologize for everyone that's feeling left out right now. Another hello for you <3

As you can see I already used quite a lot of colors in two paragraphs already. My posts will not always be this bright and gay (ha ha, always wanted to use that word in a different context) though, so rest assured. Oh by the way - if anyone realized: I "highlighted" only the greeting words I actually know. The others I googled for. ...just saying.) Btw (again), I'm not against relationships of any nature or sort. I'm totally okay with e.g. heterosexuals, asexuals, homosexuals. I don't judge, I don't prefer this quality over that quality in people (but if you have nice legs, you've got my attention). I figured I could get this said (thanks to the word 'gay' I was reminded of it) and be done with it <3.
Anyways, sorry for those bright colors. I know how it feels when you have to read text that is too bright for your sleepy eyes. If you are even sleepy right now.

Well, after greeting someone, you normally introduce yourself after, right? So that's what I'm gonna do:
I am a german asian (born there but with full asian blood) and am currently 19 years old. I just graduated high school (and typed it wrong just now *facepalms*) and am now trying to do military service. 
Actually I signed up for social work but after my friend mentioned 'military service' I was kind of interested in doing that. But since she'd only told me today I figured I could phone them tomorrow.

I am only 1,50m tall (Oh snap, that's what I'm gonna ask them tomorrow: Can I join with my height?) and my weight doesn't concern any of you ;_; Well, maybe it will when it's in critical condition (which will never happen as I don't eat too less - owait, I can still turn into an eating-machine. Damn it.) 

Sorry for the cursing.

In school I learned german, english, latin and spanish - the last one I only had one year in my curriculum. My parents talk both german and vietnamese with me and I am infatuated with japan. What does that tell you about my vocabulary? Yes, it's a mess.
Latin can really only be used when reading, my spanish skills don't exceed those of a hispanic toddler (and still whenever I'm out of country I say gracias instead of thanks), and I'm not familiar with ancient vietnamese. Err, archaic. Whatever. My english... well judge my E-skills yourself, I've already written about 5 paragraphs. German's hard. German's lovely though. German I can speak fluently but - of course - mistakes always worm their way inside my sentences. It's nothing to be proud of ;_;

As for my infatuation with japan: This year I made the resolve to learn japanese and so got some books and some english internet tutorials to help me. I've learned to read all the hiragana. Katakana and translating the language itself is next. What I mean by that?

I can read something like 'ことば' a.k.a. 'kotoba' but I don't know what kotoba means! 
Yes, gotta learn the vocab. I've still got a long way to go :(

I have one older sibling of the opposite gender (how about saying brother, lol) 
and my parents are divorced. I got a step-father who's been married to my mother 
for 2 years now and a new step-mother who's also been around for 2 to three years. 
A half-sibling has already been born, too, I don't have a lot of contact with him though 
(Dominic) since I'm not really staying in contact with my father.
Obviously I live with my mother in the house they bought before they divorced.

 I am allergic to many trees and have to pop some pills every other morning
(whenever I go outside) between spring and autumn.

I love electronic and jazz music, house, trance and rock, and occasionally 
listen to metal and classic music. Instrumental music is something I listen to every day; 
Soundtracks of games and movies are abused without end by me.

And that's all for today / my first post. 
Wouldn't want to bombard anyone with too much info, 'kay?

See ya all laterz, alligatorz~