Holidays #2

Those two weeks of holiday were great.
Just really, really great.

It's not just because I was allowed to have some free time just for myself. It's not just for me to laze around.
It was for ME to change my day schedule, it was for me to do something for myself and my body.

Now it's been three weeks now:
I started working out again. Weee!!

Four years ago I was relatively active but only on the weekends, going jogging with my whole family. That continued on for some months but eventually stopped because of circumstances / reaching goals.
Since then I've been on and off working out, being more off than on in these four years.
It's just comfortable to laze around even if it's just half an hour or an hour which you would "sacrifice" for exercising. But it's not nice to see your flabby stomach, your fat thighs beside other people's long and thin ones. To scarf down food after food (which isn't healthy) to satisfy your eating drive but not your hunger. Guilty conscience, ugly body, the feeling of having done nothing at all.

So, yeah; I motivated myself at the beginning of the holiday and have been at it for three weeks now. And I'm not working out only in the weekends. I exercise 4 days out of 7 weekly and hope to rise that up pretty soon.
I also eat more health conscious.
I bet it's thanks to the fitness online "diary" I keep.
The processes are saved. Every little thing I do is in there and it keeps me motivated to work hard for my own body.

Just wanted to say that it's awesome and that a fitness diary really helps out.
Also I hope I'll continue on this way.

I also feel happier after working out. Listen to some good music after that and you'll have made your day while doing something great for your body and health.

Realisation #002

When you want to remain childlike /a child at least in front of your parents but are told not to.

Realisation #001

When you went through puberty but never changed your attitude or behaviour because your parents are never home.

Also: Switching to BE

Holidays

Oh my fuck, I get a two week holiday soon.
Just working tomorrow and then I'll be FREEEEEEE :33333333333

On a sidenote, I've been having weird daydreams about threesomes.

Weird Cheek-aches

The ones in the face, mind you.

Rant #002

Today I was at a seminar-preparing-day. We have to attend 5 seminars because of our social work and I got stuck with the preparing work for my second seminar D: First of all, I have to take the train to fucking Kyllburg. Where is Kyllburg? In the midst of nowhere. It's so rural, that a train to my town comes once an hour. The hell. So I had to wake up at 6 to make it there by 10 AM. But alright, I have to suffer somehow because I was "allowed" to skip work for this utterly ridiculous shit. But it's really unfair. I "worked" there for 6 hours. Alright, 5 hours because we ate lunch for an hour. It wasn't that delicious of a goulash noodle-dish though. And I needed 6 hours to travel to and from that place. That's the frustrating part. There, we discussed the next week we'd spend here in the beginning of February. Fortunately we didn't have to plan THAT much. Most of the work will be implemented by the organization team while we will look for info for three theoretical practises. But let's get to the point. I ALWAYS seem to get my period when I have to go somewhere. Somewhere inconveniently far. Like Kyllburg. Or Ibiza. Or Vietnam. Or Amsterdam. Actually ANYWHERE that is not Germany. Why the hell does that always happen to me? Also, it's not only the period thingy that's been bothering me for years on end: After travelling, I aaaaaaaaaaaaaaalways get sick. Like today, I got a stomachache from god-knows-where. Then the last time I went somewhere I came back home with a wisdomtooth infection. The last last time I was infected by someone with a cold. And the list goes on and on and on. The good part about that is: While I'm travelling all the sickness that does come to me waits till it manifests. That kind of means, that my body knows I'm at an unfamilar place and deemed that it's not appropriate to fall ill right now because it's just inconvenient. Imagine you go on a five-day trip to get sick on the second day in a foreign land and spend your holiday time with sickness, that you could have spent at home while mooching off your sick-holiday, so to speak. When I have a job or work and get sick somehow, I always wish for the sickness to hold on for a little longer no matter how much it hurts me. That way I will avoid having to go to work and getting to stay at home is just absolute bliss. I mean, I still don't have to pay for anything that is needed to live since I'm still living with my parents and can mooch off all I want. I do try not to do that though and try to pay things that are really just personally for me. I can't live with the thought of using my parent's money to buy something that is beneficial only to me and not to them. Speaking of my period! So, when I was 16 I went to the gynocologist (?) to get that cancer prevention treatment that was free for everyone under 18. Of course the good doctor didn't know what I wanted when I came in but before I was able to say anything at all, she already shot several questions at me. At first I didn't know why she asked this and that but I figured she needed or wanted to know so she can give me those shots without any ill side-effects. "Is your period coming at a steady intervall?" "When did you get it?" blah blah and so forth. At that time (and even now) my period was sporadically coming. Actually it seems sporadic but I kinda sense a pattern to it. I always forget to put it on a document or sth, so I don't know for sure :< Anyways, it's going like: One month period twice, two months period nothing, one month period twice. That was about two years ago, I guess? And nowadays it seems to come more once a month but with no set date, really. Now that I'm writing about it... it still is weird and sporadic. NO PATTERN AT ALL. aagsagf. Back to the doctor. The doctor then started to talk about the pills after asking me those numerous questions. She told me that I shouldn't take them yet because my period was still at an unstable stage which meant, that I hadn't yet reached full "adulthood" or whatever. I was just like: "What? No. I just wanted to take that cancer prevention treatment." She just stated "Oh." and went on ushering me into another room. Olol.

Greed II

Hello you all.

As you've realized, the past few weeks I've just been posting one-sentence-posts.
It's not only because I was too lazy to write something; it was also to show how I feel about all the "things" short and to the point.

Let's take the "Greed" post as an example.
We shouldn't live life only for the sake of living. You can interpret anything into it to make it sound right to you (or maybe its just totally wrong to some no matter how you bend and break the sentence).
In my case it's my current job.
As I'd already mentioned I started a social year and I'm still doing it. It's already been over two months and sometime that idea just hit me.

There are so many people there who've hit the prime of their time.
The only thing they really do is live.

Some sit there, all day long. Staring at nothing.
I come and talk to them, ask them, if they'd like to listen to some music on the radio.
They accept, they don't. I go, they stare into nothingness again.

Some lie there, all day long. Lying into oblivion.
They can't talk, they can't scream, you don't know what they want.
They choke on their food, they don't swallow their water and eventually they fade away.

Some walk and walk, from place to place.
They watch TV, they eat and drink, they play a board game (by themselves) over and over again.
They go to sleep and the day repeats.

In the first cases I do wonder, if I would ever want to live the end of my life like that.
Sure, families would want us to live but it's not like that in everyone's case.
Why do we live, if we have no more purpose in life?

But that - of course - not only applies to the elderly, if you're thinking about it.
There are people like me who still wonder about their purpose in life.
They still have the means to do what they might eventually want to do though.
(The physical and emotional capability.)

But the elderly - even if they do come up with something they really want, can't.
It's not something they can achieve on their own, with only their will.
People have to care for them, to carry, to feed, to give and think about them.
They burden others.
But maybe those "others" want to be burdened?
Who knows? Who cares? The elderly will still live.

No matter how much they don't like it. No matter, if they can't communicate with us.
No matter what they think about it.

Bullet To My Heart

"Is this the time for me to feel something?"

Envy

The feeling I get whenever I see people achieving their own dreams